The New Age Mum

Raising Boys without Shouting or Spanking (Part I)

Posted on: Wednesday, September 3, 2008

The last time round I had written on how lousy I feel as a mum (Click here to read). However as of now, I feel that I am certainly one of the happiest mums. All thanks to the books I have bought the previous time. I have actually finish 3 of them and they are:

  1. Raising Boys
  2. Discipline without Shouting or Spanking
  3. How to Help your Child Read and Write

Raising Boys

Favourite Line from the Book: From toddlerhood on, if she (the mother) sets limits with her son firmly, but without hitting or shaming him, he will take this in his stride. He knows he has a special place in her heart.

It actually talks about the 3 stages of boys and about what the boys actually need in the different stages. It also talks about how to help the boys grow into happy balanced men and about the development of the boys’ brains, testosterone, boys at school, how each parent can help and developing healthy sexuality. It also covers many other aspects that will be a great help to me in the time to come. It is also through this book that I realize that boys are actually more vulnerable than girls.

This book also made me realised why the men (my dad, dad-in-law, brother and hubby) around me behave in a certain manner. It actually made me more understanding and forgiving towards some of their “unacceptable” behaviour.

It made me feel guilty towards a certain extent about how I have teased some of mine male cousin and friends because through this book, I realised that that is not the way they want to be but perhaps due to the lack of love and warmth showered upon them and perhaps because of upbringing. The book has stated how parents tend to ignore the feeling of boys because they are boys; they are expected to be more “macho”, which is very true in my family during my growing up years. However this should not be the way if we want to teach our boys love, empathy and compassion. Pretending to ignore them boys to make them stronger will only result them in shutting down themselves to control their grief and pain. This is simply disastrous because in the teenage years where that is where all the problems start to come in, it is going to be difficult to get them to talk to you again because, their feelings from young have been “ignored”.

Most importantly, this book has created awareness in me on how I want to raise my boys. The kind of men, hubby and father I wish for them to be. Every morning now before I face my boys, the thoughts of them having a happy and warm childhood to remember on, the thoughts of them being kind, responsible men, the thoughts of them being respectful toward their wives and women, and the thoughts of them being gentle, loving fathers really helps me to get myself together to treat them kindly and lovingly each day without screaming or shouting at them. It helps me to know that if I were to set myself up as an example to treat them and my hubby with respect, they will gradually learn respect because dad and mum are doing it.

Right now I am lucky that it is not too late as my boys are in their first stage of boyhood. I am definitely going to enjoy them while I can. I don’t want to waste their childhood away then regret 15 years later lamenting on. “Why I have not done this and that for them?”, ”Why didn’t I stop to listen to their pleas for help?”

Life is too short for regrets.


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Welcome to The New Age Mum

Hi I am Angelia Giam! This site is basically dedicated to my 2 very precious boys who have filled my life with the all the colours of the world. It is also about me striving to lead a balance and fulfilling life with the family I have created. I have also added some basic food recipes which I have tried and tasted; and recommended some parenting books which I have read and found it to be useful as well for all to share.

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