The New Age Mum

Feeling Disturbed

Posted on: Monday, September 8, 2008

I have been feeling quite disturbed ever since I came back from my hubby’s company dinner last Friday. As we know, I have been teaching Clemens why we have to be nice and why we do not hurt others but last Friday, he was hurt by a colleague’s boy and perhaps by me as well.

I was watching the children play and there and then, I saw my hubby’s colleague’s son attack Clemens quite violently; by pulling Clemens’ hair when Clemens has fallen to the ground due to the boy pushing Clemens and leaving a faint scar on Clemens’ face. Clemens, because of what I have taught him did not fight back and I of course went up to stop the attack. I tried to explain to the little boy why we should not hurt others but it was in vain.

I was quite shock and a lot of thoughts race through my mind the whole night like, “what could let a little boy of his age react so with so much anger when everybody is playing harmoniously?” “Is it because he has been bullied in school?” “Is it because his parents have been shouting and spanking him without realizing his needs and thus causing the pent up anger in him?” “Is it because he is the only child and hence he has difficulty playing with others?”

A lot of thought race through and I actually wanted to confront his parents and explain the situation to them. Not because I am angry with the boy but because I am saddened by his massive temper at such a tender age and because I am concerned for the emotional well-being of the boy. And yet when I am about to do it, a lot of ‘what ifs’ race through my mind.

  • What if his parents cannot understand what I am trying to get through?
  • What if in the event of my confrontation, I cause the boy to be punished in an inappropriate way by his parents and hence causing more anger in him?
  • What if the parents are offended because they think I am being petty, I might cause the working relationship to sour between the colleague and my hubby?
  • What right do I have to pass a judgement on the little boy?

Therefore I fell into a dilemma and in the end I never did it.

When I came home, I begin to feel very disturbed and a cloud of guilt fell on me because I felt quite inadequate to Clemens because I never really helped him to come to a conclusion on this matter. And when we come home, this matter was never brought up again because I do not want Clemens to remember it and secondly, at the mean time I do not know how to explain to him the boy’s actions. Finally, the matter was just brushed off with a, “It is ok, I am glad you did not fight back and don’t worry, mummy is with you.”

However, is this enough? I feel that I have failed to each Clemens to protect himself instead all I have taught him is love and giving in. And we all know that when we are out in the world, it is not all about love and kindness.

A lot of ‘ifs’, race through my mind again for the past few days.

  • If I as a mum can’t teach my boys to protect themselves, who is going to teach them?
  • If I as a mum can’t help to bring this matter to a conclusion for Clemens, in future who will?
  • If this is going to happen a second time and I am going to brush it off again, who will my boys be able to trust again, if their very own mother who has vowed to protect them for life, can’t be trusted.
  • If my boys are going to learn about the love and kindness I am teaching them now, what will behold for them in future because what if they are going to report to their teacher on a certain misbehaviour from a classmate and the teacher, like me is going to brush it off with a “it’s ok”, what will my boys think and feel because justice has never been returned to them and there is never going to be a conclusion for them.

Will they still be kind and loving? Will they still be the gentlemen I hope to raise? Will they accumulate a lot of pent up frustrations thus causing undesirable behaviour?

After pondering for these days, I started to put myself in the boy’s parents’ shoes.

  • What will I do if my boys are going to be behaving in an undesirable manner one of these days?
  • How will I want to help and educate my boys on their misbehaviours?
  • Will I want to be told first hand for whatever undesirable actions my boys might have display?

Finally the answer is out, and I will know what to do if there is ever a second episode be it whether if there is a kid bullying my boys or vice versa.

However sometimes I just hate myself for being a slow thinker. I really wonder what took me so long.

At the mean time, I can see that Clemens is playing well again but I really wish I can know how he is feeling emotionally and I hope that he is not suppressing it because that can be dangerous to a child’s emotion well-being.

Now I wonder what Clemens thinks of having me as his mum. The mum who has not given him the conclusion on the ordeal he has encountered.

Arrrrggggg………… I think at times I really think too much.


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Welcome to The New Age Mum

Hi I am Angelia Giam! This site is basically dedicated to my 2 very precious boys who have filled my life with the all the colours of the world. It is also about me striving to lead a balance and fulfilling life with the family I have created. I have also added some basic food recipes which I have tried and tasted; and recommended some parenting books which I have read and found it to be useful as well for all to share.

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