The New Age Mum

Breaking the Slience

Posted on: Friday, July 17, 2009

I understand that this entry is going to be rather negative which is quite unusual as I strive to put in only happy entries. However yet I am only a human being with my own emotions and expectations.

I am naturally a protective and perhaps at time a possessive and maybe even a tad too sensitive (in the wrong way) person. I naturally get very frustrated when my very own children or my very immediate family members get targeted due to my indecisiveness. I use to be very aggressive about it but have since mellowed down quite a lot over the years.

Actually I also know that we should not and it is not nice to wash the dirty linen in the public but for me,  I will just like a record of it hence, this entry.

In actual fact, life has been going very well for me all these years except that I believe that I have never gotten the blessing from my parents-in-law till today which I believe part of it was due to willfulness due to my young age then ( I got married at 21). It never started out right and then the chemistry between us has never since been balanced out. This wrong start has been going for 7 years as I knew my hubby since I was 17.

I also do not like the fact that my brother-in-law is always tempting my boys to do something fun with them and then after wards not delivering his promise to them which is something I have noticed many a times. The boys are usually upset for awhile after which they will have forgotten about it due to their very young age but yet again, I wonder how long will they remain young enough to remain in the forget mode as they are growing up each day. It shatters me to see their hopes risen up high, see them all excited and happy then it comes crushing down again because it cannot be delivered to them.

Part of the reason for this entry is also due to my sister-in-law who has written 2 entries in her own blog targeted at me saying that I am uncaring, insincere and that even if I feel I have done my best, I have done nothing to make the other person happy at all. My mum was also targeted for not raising me up well and not teaching me the right values of life. I was initially hurt which of course gradually turn into anger. The last thing to do in my perspective is to criticized one’s parent right in the face. It only goes to show how learnt you are.  She has not mentioned names of course, but you know being a woman you will have this gift called “intuition”. Denial or not, it is only known from the bottom of one’s heart.

I am of course in no position to criticize nor do I want to do so.  She is after all a Master’s graduate student and soon-to-be in future going to hold a PHD in Child Psychology due to her family’s financial support. I have also since deleted her link from my website as I feel certain things should never have an impact in my life affecting my family. There are other 1st things to be done in my life and it will be so silly of me to dwell on it.

I also understand that my parents are definitely not the best in the world and they do have their own flaws like every human being does. We do have our share of massive arguments about how certain things should be done and should not be done. However at the end of the day, they are still my parents who has loved me, supported me and sheltered me like a bomb shelter unconditionally despite all the troubles I have caused them all the years. Towards them,  I am just thankful that even though I am not a university graduate, they have taught me much. I am also thankful for all their effort in helping me to look after and loving my boys unconditionally. I am especially grateful to my dad who is always there to console and give me the support I need be it I was in Australia (read: The Golden Silence of a Father & Daughter ) or here in Singapore. I shall always remember his recent words to me, “ 仰天但使心无愧,处世何须人尽知”. It basically means when you look up into the sky, your conscience is clear and whatever best you have done, it needs not need to be known by another party or person.

I shall also now be more decisive and firm in my thoughts, decision and in the way I speak as advised to me by my superior (due to work-related cases) and dad in case I caused anymore misunderstanding between the 2 families.

As for my very own frustrations, I will like to end it off in this entry.

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12 Responses to "Breaking the Slience"

When a person is dead, we remember not what their education qualifications were, or how good looking they were, but we remember what they have done for us and what difference they have made in our lives.

I’m sure the people mentioned in your blog did make a difference in your life. They make you realise the kind of person you want to be and what you hope your kids will be – NOT LIKE THEM.

By the way, Im not a child psychologist, never read a book on child psychology either. But I know you NEVER break a promise to kids, not matter how young they are. And I do not need a degree to know that insulting someone’s else parents is NOT a right thing to do. Extremely despicable behaviour if you ask me. Can’t really respect people who do such things.

Just do what you think is right and teach your kids the right values. At least you have role models to show them what’s the wrong things to do.

I am so agreeing with you and because of this, I will never think of doing foolish things to myself. I will only want to live stronger, laugh heartier and to be there for my kids no matter what happens. 🙂

i hope you are better now..
from this post, i feel that you become stronger..
dont bother about what others say or do..
just be clear that what you want n go for it and live happily!! =)
take good care!!

Thanks Kairis, It is been so long already. 🙂 Yeah, I used to scared this scared that, try not to be too aggressive, but also like this. Defensive also like this, try to be nicer also like this. I dun care liao. If not so ‘xing ku’ and not so myself. 🙂 From your blog, I can also see that you are working very hard. I wish you all the best. 🙂

I think if this is an english essay of your life, the grade will be a big fat zero as it is out-of-point, contradictory and totally a mockery. “I also know that we should not and it is not nice to wash the dirty linen in the public”- Well, seems like u pretty much said everything dirty about your life including your lack of love for your dear husband. I wonder how will you feel when you when your hubby tells the whole world he no longer loves you online. Oh wait, is that the reason why you kept so much of his money and insisted on a huge wife allowance so he won’t use the money to go fool around. Talk about a lack of confidence in your man or perhaps in yourself. Maybe a sex-change operation will boost a much-needed ego and confidence.

As far as I can remember, I only promised your boys 3 times before. 1st and 2nd time: I fulfilled them both by bringing clemens to Ikea, including a twice-trip when we missed the closing time back from malaysia. The 3rd time I only don’t want to go cos I don’t want to go shopping in jurong point but when I wanted to bring them to swimming as promised, you stormed off like a kid that lost her candy. Even till this day, you are still a sore loser that kept blaming people for not fulfilling their promise when you are the ONE who prevented them from doing so. And talking about not fulfilling promises, I think ypu are a pretty expert at doing it too. Especially when you promised to let or bring the kids to my parents, I lost track of the times when you said they are too tired or sick to meet them. May lightning strike me 10 times if I broke 1 promise to yopur kids and lightning strike you 1 times for every promise you broke towards my parents. Oh wait, you won’t have too many lives left after that.

I particularly appreciate the fact you acknowledge yourself as self-centered and selfish human being. But I think if you left out a “very” tense in front of those descriptions. Ya, a very self-centered and very selfish human being.

Since you hated my family so much, do us a much-needed favor. I beg you to divorce my brother and leave our family for good. I think that will be the only good thing or news we wanted to hear.

Dear Big Brother-In-Law,

Let’s get to the point.

1. If you don’t like what I am writing, please don’t read it. Or should I put a disclaimer just to warn you against reading it?

2.I never said I don’t love your brother. I just wrote, “perhaps the lack of love”. The post (My Marriage) I have written is just for him to know what I am feeling with no prejudice or judgment against you or your family. The message I want to get across to him is, “I want to be his priority.”

3.I seriously don’t need such a “huge” allowance from your brother and I have several times returned it to him before. However during this several times, he has banked it into my account on his own accord (please confirm it with him). By the way for your information, you have no right or no business to interfere in how much your brother is giving me unless you want to pay for the bills and expenses.

4.If you said that you only promised my boys 3 times before, so be it. But in future, just don’t tempt them. And please don’t curse yourself so harshly (It is a sin for you especially that you are a Christian). And as for the night we came back from Malaysia, I truly appreciate your effort in bringing Clemens there despite you all missing it.

5.About the JP issue, I have already mentioned before that it was your mummy who wants to go. She has also told me over the week that you no longer want to go swimming because you are lazy to do so. I was of course angry because the boys had anticipated the trip out with you all for a whole week (be it swimming or shopping). I was angry with you for upsetting my boys (it is a mother’s natural reaction).

6.I know I have been willful in the past (50% my fault). However ever since I came back from Aussie, when have I broken my promises to your parents before? Even when I can’t make it back on a Sunday, I made it back on a Saturday (this your mum knows). Until recently.

7.You are not yet a parent yourself; you won’t understand the feeling of being a parent. I shall be very frank with you. Other than your brother, myself and my parents (the main care givers after us), I do not feel easy or trust leaving the boys alone to anybody else.

8. And hate is too strong a word to use. I neither hate you nor your family. If I do hate, I won’t even make it a point to go back. I don’t have to force myself to do things that I dislike since you have mentioned that I am a very self-centered and very selfish person. I just merely don’t like how some things are done in the family, just the way you all feel about me (it goes 2 ways my dear).

9.You also don’t need to beg me to divorce your brother. Your brother just needs to consent to it. You can make your point to him and even convince him to do so. If he is agreeable, I will go through it with him just to make all of you happier. I am a woman who is willing to let go. I hope this is good news to you.

10.Lastly, I know after making my points, you will still call an unscrupulous, scheming, money eater and a poisonous woman who ‘twists and twirl’ your ‘poor’ brother (like a little maggot) around my fingers. However, please also do note that he is a grown-up man who can make his own decision. Or at least you can teach him how to be more decisive on the pertext that you are the elder brother or perhaps on the pertext that you are more learn (since you a university graduate).

PS:1 more thing; Please learn to BE A MAN and stop attacking me together with your wife when your brother is out of Singapore.

To “The Brother In-Law”

How very graceful of you to suggest divorce. How very kindhearted of you to curse people death. But I sincerely hope your kids won’t turn out like you. Your karma shouldnt happen to them.

Angie…Im glad you are “a very self-centered and very selfish human being”. At least you don’t go down to that gracious and kindhearted level when you talk or write about them.

Angie…you don’t own them an explanation. Besides, as much as you want to patch things up with them, they are still going to be prejudiced. It takes 2 to clap.

If you don’t like what you read, nobody’s forcing you to read them. Your negative comments’ not welcomed on this blog. It’s akin to having your 热脸贴冷屁股 and we really don’t appreciate your “热脸”.

Angie, just block his comments. His comments are like venom, defiling your blog. He’s just not worth it.

how come whenever i’m away from Singapore this kinda of rubbish is happening??! stop all this attack on my wife immediately! i’ll be back next week let’s all sort it out then!

Angie, u are too busi w wrk n kids to bother abt such ppl w such unruly comments n stir riots in yr life..u are married to ban w 2 beautiful kids and tt is yr immediate family! Any matters pertaining in yr IMMEDIATE family is onli for u n ban to decide on..

Others wan to comment/advice, be it blood relations/frds/well wishers…it all comes down to u n ban onli..bcs its yr LIFE (i emphasis). U make the decisions n live with watever consequencNo one can live yr life for u, always remembr this.

I know I mayb repeating this, DON CARE ABT ANY PPL WHO ARE NOT WISHIN WELL for yr family and for U…irregardless who they are… I m sure there will be many more well-wishers there, even if not related…

U are doing well, so far..Be strong as u are n hope all such unnecessary trouble n pests are out of yr life soon, so tt u can njoy yr time w yr precious sons n darling hubby!!

Take care…

Thanks Tana, I know my priorities and will protect myself and the family 🙂

Just a passerby… As a graduate myself, I have to tell you that School don’t teach ethics and common sense and it is a shame to say that there are many such people even in top university. And being good in studies really just mean you are good in exam… So don’t have to care about those insensitive, no common sense idiots.

As for the brother in law, you really should mind your own business. Many people said marriage is 6 person(+child) problem but I feel it is really 2 people(+child) problem. Either way, it is none of your business. I pity your gf if you have one for you are a person who can say the word “divorce” without any consideration.

As for the writer, I don’t really know you but problems are usually caused by more than 1 person. It takes 2 mouths to start an argument. So maybe you may want to look back and see what went wrong as well… From the comments, I can see that your hubby still loves you a lot. It’s time to do your part if you have not already done so.

Thanks for your concern. Your words are very enlightening and you are right that I should look into the my relationship with my hubby and ignore what others had said. Before your reponse to my post, I was already on the verge of separation with my hubby.

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Welcome to The New Age Mum

Hi I am Angelia Giam! This site is basically dedicated to my 2 very precious boys who have filled my life with the all the colours of the world. It is also about me striving to lead a balance and fulfilling life with the family I have created. I have also added some basic food recipes which I have tried and tasted; and recommended some parenting books which I have read and found it to be useful as well for all to share.

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